Relationship begins as I relate to myself.
How much I listen to myself, how much I trust myself, my intuitions, how much I reserve moments to be alone with me to learn to silence my noisy, critical and judgmental mind to listen to my heart, feel how my body is, what it is telling me through his pains and discomforts, what emotions are linked to these signs, trying to understand the cause, finding my wounds, taking care of me, welcoming me, doing things that I like, that are good for my emotional, that give me pleasure to transmute my pain.
When I ignore this stage of consciousness and go out into the world in automatic mode, fleeing from myself, I project the heart that is not being listened to, the pains that are not being cured, I see in others what bothers me, without to be able to identify that it is a mirror, the discomfort is mine, comes from inside me, and I react thoughtlessly thinking that it is the fault of what the other causes me. I can't even see and separate his pain from mine.
This is projection. I don't get angry or bother with others if this feeling doesn't live in me. If this happens, I need to stop acting with my injured child and activate my adult to separate and have the courage to look inside, to find out why the other is managing to be just a trigger to give me the opportunity to see which wounds have not yet I healed and I don't know how to cope, and I go on discharging behavior in people that I charge the other to supply what I didn't do for myself.
I act unconsciously conditioned to an automatic way of reacting in the face of a hurt that I built even as a tantrum child, when I was contradicted, disapproved, discredited, stunted, criticized, ignored, rejected etc. And I found an instinctive form of defense that accompanies me all my life without realizing it, which appears when I face a situation that causes me the same feeling.
That is why it is important to withdraw, take advantage of the opportunity when these feelings are brought up, and get out of the childishness of continuing to blame the other. I create my own pain when I don't look at it.
I can't be afraid to see and know the bad inside me, it is necessary for me to get to know myself and change that. It requires introspection, it requires acceptance, it requires forgiveness. Forgive and accept myself. And it requires even greater effort to watch me all the time in the face of relationships when these signs come in order to be able to identify and start the practice of doing differently, with awareness. It's not overnight magic, it's hard work to beat myself, because my biggest opponent is me, not the other.
And it's worth it, I do it for myself, to grow and develop as a soul, as a human being, so I can reflect a better world in which I can be more aligned with my truth and learn to build my happiness that comes from within me too .
That way I can relate better with myself, with people and with the world.