Hello, my name is Júlio, I am a therapist and coordinator of Tantra Yoga LAB. A therapeutic space specialized in relationships, sexuality and spirituality.
The idea of this article is to bring 6 practices for those who want to take advantage of the quarantine to unlock the potential for connection within a loving relationship and awaken all the latent energy potential in each of the partners.
In addition to the 6 practices you can access free video materials to improve your sexual and loving relationships in a more conscious, mature and spiritualized way.
Take your time.
So come on!
The first essential practice in any relationship is to…
Many couples are afraid of having a frank conversation.
They avoid certain subjects.
Do you know those unresolved issues, which bother you, and that you know that if you touch them, things can get hot?
A lie from the past. A betrayal. Something hidden. A frog that is in your throat ... anyway.
Anything that is a taboo subject that you would really like to be able to say, but don't say.
Because these issues, over the course of a relationship, accumulate and periodic cleaning is necessary.
And this is a very opportune moment for you to face each other, with truth and intention to resolve outstanding issues.
I know it can be difficult, but don't be afraid.
At first these conversations can generate some sparks, but in the long run it is a huge recipe for maintaining the health of your relationship.
In the long run it is much better for the contents to be released than accumulated. For the emotional health of everyone involved.
And more. A frank conversation it doesn't have to be a violent conversation. For this, the principles of non-violent and assertive communication can be used
The idea of assertive communication is to expose your feelings and the facts that, perhaps, led you to feel a certain way. But without trying to impersonate a culprit.
Phrases like "I felt disrespected at that dinner when that happened", "I felt humiliated when you said that", "I felt abandoned that day when that happened", "I feel rejected when you do that ..." help our partner to understand what's going on inside us without having to blame him.
The figure on the right shows a little of what assertive and non-violent communication should be like.
And always maintain the attitude of a team that is solving an issue together. Avoid blaming or assaulting the other.
2-Dating within a spiritual practice
Doing an everyday activity together is great for strengthening complicity and partnership, but making a loving spiritual practice takes chemistry, harmony, intimacy and the pleasure of the relationship to another level.
After all, sexuality is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. However, there is, in general, no sexual education that leads us to live our sexuality in all its fullness.
Did you know that more than half of Brazilian women never reach orgasm and that many men suffer silently from premature ejaculation?
And if you think you've experienced it and know everything about your sexuality, make no mistake: there’s always something new that you don’t know yet.
Sexual energy is our vital energy. It is our creative energy. After all, it is energy that creates new life.
And from it it is possible to experience extraordinary vibrational states. Transcendent states never lived or imagined.
Sex and sexuality, in general, are not treated in the sacred way they deserve.
So my wife and I, who are therapists and specialists in human sexuality, offer a course enhancing and expanding sexuality based on the teachings of modern sex therapy and techniques that involve meditations and tantric massages in order to unlock all the energetic and orgastic capacity that exists in your body and that of your partner.
And if you want to start with something free just click here, register your email and receive, in your inbox, a series of video lessons on tantra and sexuality for couples.
3-A new pact and forgiveness
After a frank conversation, we are often hurt, but it is important that we have the intention to move on and create from there a new pact in which it is necessary to make clear what is and what is not acceptable within the relationship.
There is nothing more healing than the ability to ask for forgiveness, when we sincerely repent, and when we forgive someone who has made a mistake and is truly sorry.
Forgiveness is not for the weak. Only the strong are capable of forgiveness. Forgiveness frees and heals.
When an act of betrayal or something serious is repeated periodically it is necessary put a limit and give an ultimatum to the situation. Otherwise, nothing will ever change.
It takes courage, because there are situations that can no longer be sustained. When someone is disrespectful in a way deliberate and repetitive we need to put an end to it.
Have a frank conversation and use the famous "either go or split".
4-Spend more time together
A couple needs to share moments to build a feeling of complicity.
And nothing comes in handy as much as this moment in which humanity is living.
Many relationships are supported by external projects, the relationship of two, as children, company ... but time together without dealing with these external issues is very important for the relationship.
Most couples disconnect not because of the lack of love, but because of the lack of time to nurture the relationship in a conscious and regular way.
5-Give small daily gifts
Many men believe that giving great gifts, like a big wedding party, a super jewel and providing great moments is enough to nurture a relationship.
But no relationship survives indifference and withdrawal. It is like a little plant that needs little caresses every day, small watering, pruning, daily care.
A relationship will not survive if it goes through long periods of “affective drought”.
It is no use caring for a plant by filling it with fertilizer and water only once a year.
So are ALL of your relationships, whether with children, spouses, parents ...
A smile, a compliment, a snack, a kindness, a sincere "I love you", doing a task for the person.
Small cares, which can make all the difference when done consistently and honestly.
6-Make an agreement for 7 days with a special conversation the night before bed.
Here is a practical exercise, a small 7-day challenge, for anyone in a relationship. Especially for those who live a relationship of many years.
It is an agreement made between the couple to adjust and improve their relationship.
For seven days, before going to sleep, the couple meets and each spouse must answer the following questions:
What happened and what made our marriage worthwhile today?
Each one must list the events during the day that strengthened the relationship, which nurtured and made a positive difference in the relationship.
What did I do that was bad today? Wasn't that cool for the relationship?
Each one, at that moment, must do a SELF-ANALYSIS and describe to the other what they think they could have done better. Open yourself to the other, be vulnerable and say: Today I faltered when I didn't support you. Today I could have stayed with the kids while you made dinner.
If you could wake up this morning again, what would you have done differently?Here everyone imagines what could have been done THAT day if they could start over. What would a perfect day be like for you? Imagine, dream.