Would you like to have a lasting relationship, with more connection, understanding and vitality?
Then it fell in the right place.
Because in this article I will show you 6 practices that will bring more connection, understanding, affection and intimacy to your relationship.
But get ready, because the second practice will revolutionize your love life!
My name is Júlio Marques, I am a therapist, relationship coach and coordinator of Tantra Yoga LAB. A therapeutic space specialized in relationships, sexuality and spirituality.
So come on!
The first essential practice is to…
Many couples are afraid of having a frank conversation.
They avoid certain subjects.
Do you know those unresolved issues, which bother you, and that you know that if you touch them, things can get hot?
A lie from the past. A betrayal. Something hidden. A frog that is in your throat ... anyway.
Anything that is a taboo subject that you would really like to be able to say, but don't say.
Because these issues, over a relationship, accumulate. But periodic cleaning is necessary.
And this is a very opportune moment for you to face each other, with truth and intention to resolve outstanding issues.
-Okay, Julio. But how to have this type of conversation without us and we end up killing ourselves?
At first these conversations can generate some sparks, but in the long run it is a huge recipe for maintaining the health of your relationship.
In the long run it is much better for the contents to be released and resolved than accumulated. This must be done for the emotional health of everyone involved.
And more. A frank conversation it doesn't have to be a violent conversation. For this, the principles of non-violent and assertive communication can be used.
The idea of non-violent and assertive communication is to expose your feelings and the facts that, perhaps, led you to feel a certain way. But without trying to impersonate a culprit.
Phrases like “that dinner when that happened, I felt humiliated”, “when you told me that, I was very disappointed”, “that day when that happened, I felt abandoned”, “when that happens I feel rejected” can help our partner to understand what's going on inside us without having to blame him.
The figure at the side gives a hint of how a non-violent conversation can be.
2-Increase physical contact and develop sexual intimacy
The loving touch, like a hug, a cuddle, a kiss. These are wonderful inducers of hormones of love, well-being and happiness.
It is very easy to fall into the routine and stop exchanging affection and affection.
Even more when you have children and lots of bills to pay.
So, if you are in this conditioning, watch out! This can have a expensive long-term.
Seeking daily physical contact and remembering to give and receive affection are essential for the emotional and sexual health of your relationship.
Another very important point in any relationship is sex.
Most couples do not know or do not know the main mechanisms of pleasure that exist in their own body or the body of the other.
But sexual energy is our vital energy. It is our creative energy.
And from its conscious use it is possible to experience extraordinary states of consciousness and connection.
And if you feel that sexuality is an important aspect in your life, I recommend that you know the free workshop that Gabriela and I developed.
A job done for couples who want to increase their connection, their intimacy to improve their sexuality.
For even deeper work, click here and have access to a complete course about connection, meditation and special techniques involving sexuality for couples.
3-A new pact and forgiveness
After a frank conversation, we are often hurt, but it is important that we have the intention to move on and create from there a new pact in which it is necessary to make clear what is and what is not acceptable within the relationship.
There is nothing more healing than the ability to ask for forgiveness, when we sincerely repent, and when we forgive someone who has made a mistake and is truly sorry.
Forgiveness is not for the weak. Only the strong are capable of forgiveness. Forgiveness frees and heals.
When an act of betrayal or something serious is repeated periodically it is necessary put a limit and give an ultimatum to the situation. Otherwise, nothing will ever change.
It takes courage, because there are situations that can no longer be sustained. When someone is disrespectful in a way deliberate and repetitive we need to put an end to it.
Have a frank conversation and use the famous "either go or split".
4-Spend more time together
A couple needs to share moments to build a feeling of complicity.
And nothing comes in handy as much as this moment in which humanity is living.
Many relationships are supported by external projects, the relationship of two, as children, company ... but time together without dealing with these external issues is very important for the relationship.
Most couples disconnect not because of the lack of love, but because of the lack of time to nurture the relationship in a conscious and regular way.
5-Give small daily gifts
Many men believe that giving great gifts, like a big wedding party, a super jewel and providing great moments is enough to nurture a relationship.
But no relationship survives indifference and withdrawal.
It is like a little plant that needs little caresses every day, small watering, pruning, daily care.
A relationship will not survive if it goes through long periods of “affective drought”.
It is no use caring for a plant by filling it with fertilizer and water only once a year.
So are ALL of your relationships, be it with children, spouses, parents ...
A smile, a compliment, a snack, a kindness, a sincere "I love you", doing a task for the person.
Small cares, which can make all the difference when done consistently and honestly.
6-Make an agreement only for 7 days
Here is a practical exercise, a small 7-day challenge, for anyone in a relationship. Especially for those who live a relationship of many years.
It is an agreement made between the couple to adjust and improve their relationship.
For seven days, before going to sleep, the couple meets and each spouse must answer the following questions:
What happened and what made our marriage worthwhile today?
Each one must list the events during the day that strengthened the relationship, which nurtured and made a positive difference in the relationship.
What did I do that was bad today? Wasn't that cool for the relationship?
Each one, at that moment, must do a SELF-ANALYSIS and describe to the other what they think they could have done better. Open yourself to the other, be vulnerable and say: Today I faltered when I didn't support you. Today I could have stayed with the kids while you made dinner.
If you could wake up this morning again, what would you have done differently?Here everyone imagines what could have been done THAT day if they could start over. What would a perfect day be like for you? Imagine, dream…
And after seven days, leave your opinion below. We will love to read what you have years to say!