Pleasure in childbirth
Pleasure in childbirth: The experience of childbirth can be extremely empowering and pleasurable. Despite a small percentage of women experiencing childbirth with pleasure, we live in an era in which women increasingly become protagonists in their births and actively deliver their children.
Some women can experience pleasure in childbirth, others cannot. But more important than the search for pleasure in childbirth is that we, as women, can experience childbirth in the most human and conscious way possible.
My first delivery
At my first delivery I was 23 years old. Didn't know what a humanized delivery nor obstetric violence. I spent more time thinking about decorating the baby's room than how it would be born. I was terrified of thinking that they could cut me, have a caesarean and take the baby out of me, but the idea of the baby passing through my vagina was also not the most charming.
At that time, I decided to leave it to chance, to let it flow, despite having agreed with my doctor that delivery would be normal, if a surgical intervention was not strictly necessary.
In my innocence and ignorance, I didn't know that doctors are in a hurry, they need to see you in that time slot on the agenda and in a hurry, because the more deliveries they make, the more money they make.
In short, a scoundrel doctor tried in every way to induce me to have a cesarean section, saying that the amniotic fluid was low, that my basin was small and the baby would not pass, that the beats were falling… every 5 minutes she came to do an exam touch that hurt my soul.
Can you imagine torture? But something inside me told me that she was lying. She finally said that the baby was taking too long to be born and that at 6 am she would have an appointment. It was our cue to ask her to leave her appointment and that we would have the delivery with the hospital on duty.
You have to be strong
That's when my luck started to change. A kind doctor said in my ear: "Rest assured, no one is going to have a cesarean section if it isn't really necessary." Tears of joy began to trickle down my face. I felt strong again. I decided to accept taking anesthesia, as it had been many hours of suffering there and I needed to relax.
What a relief! What a wonderful feeling to be able to just enjoy that moment.
In about 20 minutes the head crowned. A nurse passing by saw and shouted: "it will be born!" Several people entered the room, the shift had already turned and the kind doctor was no longer there.
In his place, a doctor, who I immediately said: “I don't want to be cut (referring to episiotomy).”
She said, "There's no way, I have to cut it." At that moment I gave up fighting, I just gave myself up
and I let them do what they wanted to do with my body.
A male nurse started to squeeze my belly and I looked faint on the bed, with no voice. But when the doctor asked me to push, I filled my lungs and did it and the moment my daughter came into the world I had the feeling that an atomic bomb had fallen in that room and made time stand still.
Everything started to move in slow motion. As soon as they brought her to me, she looked at me and smiled. I looked her in the eye and had the feeling that she was my soul mate (read more about soul mates in this other post.).
Today I perceive that moment with an orgasm. It was very similar to the full body orgasm experiences I had with Tantric massage. I felt pleasure in the delivery even though it was not a humanized delivery. It was the best it could be at that moment, even though it left memories of pain in my body.
Read also: Tantric massage: what it is and how to do it
In 2009 there was not so much talk about humanized childbirth, let alone talk about childbirth with pleasure!
After delivery, when I started having sex again, I felt a little pain that bothered me. I knew it
that had something to do with the episiotomy, which had been healed for more than a year, but created a trauma
in that region.
Four years after giving birth I received my first tantric massage. It was a massage with maneuvers done on my vagina. It hurt. I didn't feel any pleasure. I felt pain. But in my heart I felt that
it could be a way to cure that pain.
I decided to do some more massages with the Julius, my husband, at the time my boyfriend. In one of the sessions I started to cry. He massaged over the fragile area for a few minutes and I was releasing that pain and after that I never felt pain during a relationship.
During my second pregnancy I received several massages. I graduated as Doula and I was sure I would have
childbirth with pleasure. I thought my husband could be my Doula. After all, I trusted him more than
nobody and my biggest fear was that they would not respect my wishes and i could not be the protagonist
of my own birth.
This lack of confidence in a woman who could be my Doula and that I could have the intimacy of having pleasure, orgasms and receiving tantric massage during childbirth, made me have no Doula and that ended up being a mistake, because my husband was overwhelmed with other issues, such as filling the bathtub with hot water, calling the doctor ... I got my natural delivery, without an episiotomy, without anesthesia, but I still had to be ordered by the doctor to apply force. I did not achieve an orgasm.
To have an orgasm we have to be fully delivered, feeling safe. It's practically impossible
someone having an orgasm with another person saying, “Go, enjoy! Now, you have to come! ”.
Now I get it
I understood that in childbirth and in bed, we have to be calm, safe, feeling confident, without fear of pain. Tantric massage, during labor, associated with breaths, meditation techniques, can provide that confidence, that pleasure and provide a more peaceful delivery, with less pain and even orgasmic.
Today, I still have the possibility of having one more chance of a happy delivery, but I don't know if I want more children.
So, I have the opportunity to help other women in this process, to have a more happy delivery.
Since the beginning of pregnancy, the woman can already prepare herself, massaging her lips to avoid lacerations,
doing pompoir techniques to prevent urinary incontinence, practicing some Yoga techniques and
meditation to connect with birth. The companion can learn how to massage it ...
It is very important to connect the couple at this time. The doula will provide support, will help in practical things that need to be resolved so that the couple can be at peace to experience childbirth. It can indicate the ideal time for the practices, remember the techniques learned during pregnancy so that they can be applied.
How to increase your chances of having a painless delivery and even feel pleasure
Painless childbirth is not one that only when the baby passes through the vaginal canal and does not hurt. The pain that most women report in childbirth, you can see, is associated with obstetric violence. A woman can take anesthesia and still have trauma, remember the experience as something traumatic, despite the blessing that accompanies it, the baby.
To avoid pain and suffering at that moment, the woman must first seek information. Decent information, based on data from the WHO. Second, the woman must seek to know her own body. To know its anatomy, its physiology, to be intimate with the vagina itself.
Third, the woman must fully trust her partner or the person who will be present with her during pregnancy and childbirth, she who will give you strength. Know the place where you decide to give birth, get acquainted, feel at ease in the environment and do everything possible to ensure that your wishes will be respected ( one way to do this is to organize a birth plan).
After ensuring the basics so that their delivery is done with respect, the pregnant woman will need to look at herself, face her fears and understand the delivery as a natural process, which does not need to hurt. It is difficult, because we already have the paradigm of childbirth with pain, but try to imagine it as the first time you had sex. It hurts, but with experience we turn this natural act into pleasure. By applying some techniques, we can transform our birth.
How to find out more
At the moment, my face-to-face consultations are taking place in Leiria, Portugal, but if you want to know more about the couple's connection work, more about the massages and states of consciousness, Júlio, my husband and I, we provide free materials like Free tantra workshop, and some ebooks that you can receive by email by registering here. You can also contact us by WhatsApp or leave your comment below.
I also leave here a video of Bela Gil talking about obstetric violence: