"I don't have an orgasm with my partner, I feel frustrated and ashamed."
Does that statement make sense to you?
Orgasm should be something natural in people's lives, something that we learn spontaneously when we started to surface our sexuality in adolescence. In addition, in a sexual relationship it should also happen with the same genuineness. But, we know that the reality is very different from that.
It is, in fact, considered taboo for many people and the percentage of women who have the habit of masturbation is still relatively low and when it comes to the subject of orgasms during intercourse, the numbers are even more frightening.
A recent survey conducted by USP (University of São Paulo), indicated that despite all the information about female sexuality, 55% of women are unable to have orgasms with their partners.
In today's text we will talk more about the topic, understanding the reasons that trigger this situation and how it is possible to reverse this issue. Thus, you can lead a happier life with a sexually wonderful life.
I have no orgasm: Female sexuality
Until recently, female sexuality and our reproductive system were subjects completely unknown to society. The exploitation of the body itself, then, in a curious way was completely blamed. A woman commenting with other people, even close ones, on any sexual subject was completely prohibited and her morality was automatically questioned;
The functioning of the female body was a complete mystery and for a long time the existence of the G-spot and the clitoris was discussed. This means that even for doctors, female sexuality was taboo, let alone their partners.
Even today, despite all the modernization, we still find reflections of our past that are present in relationships and even in masturbation. On the one hand, we have women who do not know their own bodies, afraid to explore their sexuality and full of beliefs that devalue it sexually. Meanwhile, at the other pole, we have men who are unaware of the female body, created with a limited view of sexuality focused only on the male.
And the result of that is the numbers that we saw above.
Many of our students report that they decided to invest in their own sexuality and pleasure. It was they who triggered a process of inner change in them because of the need to be more and more orgasmic and happy.
What is an orgasm? And how do I know if I have one?
When you have an orgasm, it is natural to identify it naturally. But, and when you NEVER had an orgasm?
Furthermore, there is not just one type, there are others that are more subtle and more intense.
In a nutshell, it is characterized by multiple rhythmic contractions in the vagina with a very intense pleasure start strong and gradually reduce. This brings us a feeling of well-being, relaxation and even spiritual ecstasy.
These sensations last from 5 to 15 minutes. In addition, when a woman is prepared, she may still have multiple orgasms. When she has more than one orgasm in a row.
Why is orgasm with a partner more difficult than alone?
We women are able to have a vaginal orgasm when we are well stimulated. But, due to lack of knowledge or fear of acceptance from our partner, we are not encouraged. This limits our pleasure and takes away our empowerment, as we are completely at the mercy of those who are with us.
Another determining factor is that when we masturbate, we hardly explore our vaginal canal and therefore do not awaken the sensations of that region.
In these cases, pompoir practices such as yoni yoga they are essential to increase blood supply throughout the vaginal canal and the vulva, increasing pleasure. In addition, they increase perceptions and sensitize our vaginal canal, facilitating solo or accompanied orgasm.
How to have an orgasm with your partner
There is no secret formula, because pleasure varies from woman to woman and usually, what works for one does not work for the other. That's because each of us has different sensitivities. Having an orgasm is an individual experience that must be explored and understood by yourself.
Many women manage to reach an orgasm only with penetration during intercourse, without any training. But, this is an exception to the rule. It is natural that most of us can more easily reach orgasm by stimulating the clitoris.
In such cases, masturbation is essential to learn and explore what is most intense for you.
Already in orgasm with the partner, it is important to disconnect from the popular belief that says that to have an orgasm you need a skilled partner. In fact, it is necessary for both of them to dedicate themselves and engage in sex, but orgasm is not directly linked to skill but to knowledge (and self-knowledge), the more they both know their own bodies and the bodies of their partners the easier it will be reaching an orgasm for both.
Conversation is also a key point for good sex, talk to your partner and tell him about what gives you pleasure, if you find it easier to reach an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, then take the time to stimulate him during the relationship or teach your partner how to stimulate him. If the conversation is not strong between you, use your creativity to show him what you want or like the most, this is done by means of more intense groans or by short lines like “continue” or “this is very good".
Another important factor also during the relationship is the delivery, surrender and allow yourself to feel pleasure, always try to be relaxed and looser and never try to force the orgasm, this hinders the development of the relationship and ends up stiffening your muscles, thus making the process more difficult.
Use and abuse the foreplay and all possible resources, a good lubricant can help you and make the experience much more interesting, even if you are already well lubricated, using toys that can stimulate you during sexual intercourse are also interesting, if used in moderation of course.
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