How the need for control disrupts orgasm

Our need for control directly impacts our orgasm. 

It seems strange to hear that phrase, doesn't it? But, orgasm is the culmination of our sexual pleasure and for it to happen it is necessary to surrender.

Our survival instinct naturally wants us to be in control of everything. It is natural because we feel more secure.

And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as it does not create obstacles in your life. In other words: if it prevents you from reaching new possibilities and letting things flow, then it is a warning sign. 

Shall we talk more about this? So, come with me to talk more about it!

After all, what is the need for control?

First of all, when we talk about the need for control, we are not referring to domination or BDSM.

But, yes, addressing a personal aspect, the need to “script” our lives, including sexual intercourse.

But, what do you mean: script?

Most of the time, we demand a lot of time creating scripts of how our relationship will be. We expect this or that from our partners (and partners) or from ourselves. Thus, when something goes out of control it directly impacts our pleasure.

Let me explain further: you have probably already been disappointed on a date. The people seemed very nice, interesting. But, at the time H. It was not all that you imagined. This expectation that you created of the person, in a way, is a script (a script) of who he was. When it got out of control, it generated frustration and even outrage.

Of course, this example is more subtle and harmless. But, there are other times when this aspect proves to be a problem and it is ... in sex!

Orgasm is letting flow

When I talk about letting things flow, I’m talking about some specific moments where that ability is needed. One of them is orgasm. 

Calm down! This does not mean “letting life take me” is giving up everything completely. But, just to understand that life is not a ready-made script and that every moment it changes, flows whether we want it or not. 

But in return, why are orgasms and the need for control so far away? 

Orgasm happens when we go beyond our control, it is the height of our sexual energy, when it flows intensely through the body. That way, if we don't “let go of the reins” of our body it just doesn't happen.

This is because the need to have control in bed generates anxiety and nervousness. And guess who doesn't get along with pleasure? Exactly! These two emotions that we quote. 

In addition, the frustration generated by an unfulfilled "script" can generate feelings such as:

  • rage;
  • indignation;
  • anguish.

All of this takes the person out of the space of pleasure and puts him in a place that is increasingly distant from orgasm.

But, how to reduce the need for control?

There are several ways to let things flow, in sex and in life. However, the main one is to become aware and understand that it is necessary to face life with its challenges and surprises.

It is natural that things do not go as we wish. But, our ability to face adversity from a new perspective is what defines whether our life will be joyful or a drama.

And in sex, it works the same way.

To start training your body and mind to be more fluid, some tips are:

✅Focus on your body and sensations. Avoid letting your mind travel during sex.

✅Start meditative practices. They put us in the present moment, make us more aware of our pleasure and lessen our need for control.

✅Finally, identify the source of your expectations and decrease your contact with her, for a while, looking at sex in a real way. It can be derived from pornography, from unreal stories or even from the comparison you make with other people.

In addition, there are other techniques that facilitate learning to let flow. Therefore, it is necessary to invest in relaxation practices that teach you to be fully present in the here and now.

In particular, one of the techniques we like most is active meditation, which increases your sexual energy, while awakening our sensations and the ability to be present.

Unlike other meditative techniques, active meditation is a way to unite breathing, sound and body movement in an intense way, this allows us to focus more on sensations and reach ever higher levels of pleasure, learning to reduce this need for control.

These were some simple tips to release the “brake foot” and let the sex flow. But, if you want to go deeper and know very powerful techniques to give that upgrade in your sex life, get to know our courses clicking on this link!


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